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Six years (tomorrow) have passed since the horrible day of Pastor Paul’s tragic motor cycle accident that tore his life from my arms. So in the past few weeks and months, seasonal triggers and memory sabotage have once again plunged me deeper into experiencing the cavernous void Paul left. I’ve relived memories of our time together for the weeks and months before his untimely death. Amazingly, just two weeks before Paul died, we had time together with all of our family members—even those out of state.

Praise God, these memories have helped me navigate this season of grief, but it’s also been a roller coaster; I’ve been full of dread, sentimental, teary, angry, skeptical, joyful, thankful. My yo-yoing emotions have run the gamut. Have I gone through the stages of grief? Yes. But I will never get over Paul. He was a part of my life for more than 29 years. I married my college sweetheart, and in many ways our maturity into oneness began to blossom over bills we couldn’t pay, sick babies, the loss of Paul’s dad to cancer, and much more. Essentially, “we grew up” together, and we started growing into one flesh when we hit the ripe age of twenty-four years old. I read through my blogs from past two years on this anniversary: 2013 “Deathday” and 2014 “I’ve Got to Remember”. So today, I thank God for the grieving process but also for a great God, who is always faithful to provide His hope in the midst of loss.

Psalm 126:5 says, “Those who sow in tears will reap in songs of joy.”

Last week, I ran across a great article written by another widow, also re-married, who explains our heart condition. Won’t you take a moment to read it? Please pray for me, widows you know and widows around the world. (Share if you like.)

Tomorrow is Paul’s six death-iversary, in his memory, I will honor the memory of Pastor Paul and serve the living by attending the memorial service of Uncle Bob Turner. It’s with joy I come alongside my new husband Jim Turner’s family as we mourn the loss of Uncle Bob Turner. Bob’s life ended unexpectedly this week when he was struck by a massive stroke. If you would, please pray for our family from any of the quotes and scriptures listed below or any of your favorite scriptures or prayers. We would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your kindness and love. I am praying for you too.

Lamentations 3:32 says, “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.”

Father, protect my family from everything but God’s glory.” —Beth Moore

Isaiah 17:1–2 says, “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.”

Psalm 145:13 says, “The Lord is faithful to all of His promises.”

Isaiah 54:13–15 says, “All your sons will be taught be the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; and you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come year you. If anyne does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever does attack you will surrender to you.”

Isaiah 54:4–5  says,“Do not be afraid you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”

Psalm 68:4–5 says, “Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the cloud—his name is the Lord—and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

“Faith, meekness, temperance are fruits that mature slowly and they are perfected by the careful husbandry of the Father.” —Francis J. Roberts

John 15:1 says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.”

“What does God want to do in you and through you that would have to cost you this much?” —Anne Graham Lotz

Heavenly Father, Jehovah Rapha,
In grief and loss, there is no chasm too deep that you cannot fill.
Remind us when our pain is harsh, only you our hearts can still.
Capax Dei, Increase our capacity for more of you,
We anticipate the fulfillment of your promises true.
In the strong name of Jesus we pray, amen.

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